Addison & Jess ::: en route

65 degrees yesterday. Snow today. Colorado, I just don’t...

Thu, 23 Feb 2012 08:46:10 -0700

65 degrees yesterday. Snow today. Colorado, I just don’t understand you. But I love you all the same.

Olivia Newton John isn’t the only one getting...

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 19:01:10 -0700

Olivia Newton John isn’t the only one getting “Physical” in this house!

The perfect cure for a chilly Saturday. Coffee and cupcakes at...

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 15:56:48 -0700

The perfect cure for a chilly Saturday. Coffee and cupcakes at The Shoppe with my love.

-Addison

It’s Snowmageddon 2012 in Denver today! This is by far...

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 09:28:00 -0700

It’s Snowmageddon 2012 in Denver today! This is by far the most snow Jess and I have seen since moving to Colorado in October 2010, so we just wanted to share some of our photos with friends and family back in SC. So far we’ve gotten over 12 inches and it’s still coming down!

And if you’re interested, here’s a link to the Denver Post talking about the snowstorm. My bank wasn’t closed today, but they were opening late and probably closing early. I work in Parker, and I have to take I-25 south, which according to CDOT is a “trouble spot.” I’m very grateful to have been given a snow day!

-Addison

Four Emotions I've Been Feeling Lately

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 19:09:00 -0700

1. Nostalgic. You might have noticed that South Carolina has been consuming the news of late. With the Republican presidential primary tomorrow, every article or story on the radio is from Columbia or Charleston. And each time I hear one, my mind drifts back to all that I loved about my home state. Summer afternoons on the lake with friends. Laughing with my sister until I cried while playing games at my mother’s kitchen table. Walking through the gardens where Addison and I were married with a glass of red wine in my hand. All the good of South Carolina floods my mind, and it makes me miss home. Of course, logically, I know I’m just feeling nostalgic. I know that, right now, South Carolina is not where I’m supposed to be. I’m not sure it ever will be again. But when I look back, I remember all the good it brought to my years — from falling in love with Addison when I was just 17 years old to driving down the interstate surrounded by sun and green trees. And I forget, just for a moment, all the bad things it brought — from a complete stranger yelling at me “You’ll never be a man” to being denied every protection and right I need to take care of my wife. Maybe it’s better to forget the bad and just remember the good. The good of youth, of family, of friends, of sunshine, of lakes and beaches and rivers, of Rita’s Italian Ice and Mr. Friendly’s tater tots.

2. Energized. The legislative session has started up here in Colorado, and I am once again engaged in a fight that I care very deeply about. For the second year in a row, my colleagues and I at One Colorado are working to advance civil unions legislation. We’re facing an uphill battle, with a Capitol that’s overwhelmed by a negative, partisan vibe, but I am energized by the process. We’re strategizing how to earn Republican support, mobilizing thousands of supporters, and telling our stories to change hearts and minds. It’s invigorating. And if our legislators listen to the 76% of Coloradans who support civil unions and pass the bill, Addison and I will rejoice, for we will have just made Colorado a better, safer place for the family we’re hoping to start.

3. Anxious. As many of you know, Addison and I are going to have to move again in May. Our landlord is selling the apartment that we love and adore. Selling it and forcing us to search, once again, for a place to live in May. I’ve known about our impending move for several months now, and it’s causing me tremendous anxiety. I wish someone had just told me in April that we had to move. That would be better. I would have panicked and worried, but it would have lasted for only a short time. As is, by the time we actually move, I will have worried about moving for seven months. I will have struggled to decide on what area of town to look in for seven months. I will have searched Craigslist for seven months. I could go on…

4. Baby Crazy & Greedy. My biological clock is tick, tick, ticking away, telling me to have a baby now, now, now. I can’t seem to stop it. Even being around crying children doesn’t help. Nope, no matter how good or bad the young one is, they make my ovaries do a little cartwheel. It doesn’t matter that I’m not ready for a baby — not emotionally, financially, or mentally — biology demands a bun in the oven. But I cannot fulfill biology’s needs. Addison has set up some strict parameters for when we can bring forth Little Woodrum, and one of her rules centers on money. We must have a pre-determined (by her, of course) amount of money in the bank before we can even create a plan for Little Woodrum. And so I’m greedy. Very greedy. Want to send me money? I’ll take it; I have no pride. Biology is gathering up every last penny and placing it in a savings account for Little Woodrum. I’ve never been quite so greedy before in my life. But maybe you’ll forgive me for this sin if I just blame it on biology?

-Jess

An Izzie burrito! I wrapped her up in a blanket before we left...

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 16:20:11 -0700

An Izzie burrito! I wrapped her up in a blanket before we left because the heat in our building is broken. She was still all snuggled up when we came home - 3 hours later!

Things Addison LOVES this Week - January 15, 2012

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 09:42:44 -0700

1.) Our new Honda Civic! After 16 months of living in Denver with only one car, Jess and I finally decided to bite the bullet and go for a second vehicle. Jess’ mom hooked us up with a small loan at a great rate and we were able to get a great deal on a gently used 2002 Civic with less than 100,000 miles. It only has 2 doors, but it’s super clean, and super cute! Besides, we have the Subaru when we want to haul around lots of people, or stuff. And it gets 10 MPG better than the Suby in city and on the highway, so I’m looking forward to getting tags on it, and getting my commute on!

2.) Facebook. This might sound like an odd one, but I really like being able to keep up with everyone back home, especially my family. Jess and I are fortunate enough to talk with our immediate family pretty regularly, but FB has helped me stay on top of my extended family and friends. (Congrats on the engagement, Blayde!) I feel like I know some people better now that I can see what they do on a regular basis, and that’s pretty cool. Plus it will give us something to talk about the next time I’m in town.

3.) Friends. When we moved to Colorado we knew it would be tough not having our wonderful friends around, and there are still some people in Columbia we miss dearly. But in Denver we have managed to befriend some really wonderful people who have very different backgrounds from me and Jess. Knowing these people has helped me think about things in a very new way, which has been wonderful for my personal growth. Thank you, Denver friends! You’re the best a girl could ask for! : )

4.) Brunch! Brunch has quickly and easily become my favorite meal here in Denver. I didn’t really used to get down with this hybrid meal, and frankly I don’t really love breakfast, but brunch has become a staple of our weekend ritual. On Sunday mornings, we call it “gay church,” because it’s usually our LGBT peeps that accompany us on this outing. There’s one restaurant in particular that always seems to have friends there on Sunday mornings. But there are so many good places to eat brunch here! It almost seems that brunch is a bigger happening than a Friday or Saturday night dinner. Actually, we’re trying a new brunch place with our friends, Shanna and LP, today!

5.) My girls. Jess and Izzie are the highlights of my day, everyday. Jess is so smart, passionate, and damn good at her job. She cares so much and works so hard. And it’s important work. Really, really important work. She’s working so the future she and I imagine with such precise detail can become a reality. She’s fighting for our relationship, our life, every day, and I’m so incredibly grateful for that. And she loves me fiercely. I know that she does, and for that I am even more grateful. Izzie, too! She gets so excited when we come home from work, and it’s nice to know that there are too “people” who love me no matter what. I love my little family!

View from Section 108. Go Nuggets!

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 18:50:27 -0700

View from Section 108. Go Nuggets!

Breakfast date with my girl. Yay for Federal holidays and...

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 09:39:33 -0700

Breakfast date with my girl. Yay for Federal holidays and flexible bosses!

Addison is so excited about all of our new plants!

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 22:20:17 -0700

Addison is so excited about all of our new plants!

The homemade blackberry syrup is going to be so good!

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 22:19:15 -0700

The homemade blackberry syrup is going to be so good!

Nearly a foot of snow hit Denver just days before Christmas....

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 17:04:16 -0700

Nearly a foot of snow hit Denver just days before Christmas. Beautiful!

Look how cute I am with my new toy!

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 16:47:29 -0700

Look how cute I am with my new toy!

What I'm Thankful For

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 19:22:19 -0700

So I know November is the month of thankfulness, but I always seem to be behind the curve so I’m just going to say what I’m thankful for today, on December 1:

1. Vacation Trip to the Carolinas. Last week, Addison and I spent a delightful week off in the Carolinas. We visited her mom in Asheville, NC; her dad and stepmom in North Augusta, SC; and my family in Easley, SC. It was just wonderful to see everyone and spend time together. From a fabulous trip to Biltmore House to some rousing card playing to a delicious meal of no less than 20 dishes — we were treated to quite a good time. It’s tough to live far away from family and miss everyone all the time — and this visit was so rejuvenating.

2. Denver. Although seeing family was lovely, being back in the Carolinas, even for just a week, reminded me of why we left. A genderqueer lesbian like me just doesn’t fit in the South. As a result, coming back to Denver has felt really good, really right. After just a year, Denver feels like home to me. It feels like a place that fits us. I’m so incredibly thankful that we’re here.

3. My job. Today, I celebrate two months in my new position: Deputy Director at One Colorado. I started as Online Communications Manager, then became Communications Manager, and now Deputy Director. In just a year, I have been able to learn and accomplish so much, and I’ve been given so many opportunities. After many years of wondering what my path in life really is, I’m so happy that I’ve found work that energizes, challenges, and fulfills me. I’m incredibly lucky.

4. Our friends. It’s tough to be far away from family, but it’s true what they say — sometimes you make your own family. And that’s exactly what we’ve done. With every passing weekend, our calendar fills up as we enjoy dinners and brunches, game playing and events with some of the most incredible people we’ve ever known. We’re so lucky to be surrounded by such awesome folks.

5. Addison. My wife is the most incredible person I know. Everyday, she inspires and supports me. She takes care of me when I’m sick, even though I can be a grumpy bugger. She feeds me and dresses me when I just can’t decide what to wear. She listens to me rant and rave. She makes me laugh, and she surprises me. Addison is truly my other half, and I don’t know what I’d do without her. The work that I do, the battles that I fight for equality, I’m fighting them for her and for the family we hope to have someday.

-Jess

Playing cheese with Baby C.

Thu, 24 Nov 2011 16:56:21 -0700

Playing cheese with Baby C.

Watching the sunset over the Blue Ridge Mountains from the deck...

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 13:36:06 -0700

Watching the sunset over the Blue Ridge Mountains from the deck of the Grove Park Inn. So beautiful! Thrilled to be here in the south visiting family for a few days.

USA v. Canada

Sun, 13 Nov 2011 14:02:00 -0700

“I’m moving to Canada.” It’s a common sentiment uttered by progressives (also known as liberals / liberal Democrats and left wingers) following the election of a right-wing candidate or the stripping of people’s rights. But few actually move their families to the Great White North. In part because it’s not as easy as packing up the car and driving across the border; it requires time and money. And in part because I think that we all want to believe that the country, our country, will get better. That it will become what we want it to be, one day, if we just keep working at it.

Lately, I’m starting to question whether or not I can continue to believe that anymore. I’m starting to question if we progressives can really turn this thing around. I’m starting to question if my blind hope in my fellow Americans is ill-conceived.

I know I’m making bold statements here. I know that many folks will consider me a kind of traitor, will call my concern about the US an act of treason. But while I want to support my country and to be a proud American, I’m just not sure I can do that in good conscience. Let’s take a look at the facts, shall we?

DISCLAIMER: I am a progressive through and through, and I believe certain things about how a government and country should function. Naturally, if you disagree with me philosophically, you will likely dislike Canada as much as I dislike the USA, and I think that’s okay and that we can still be friends.

Fact #1: Marriage Equality
In the USA, after decades of fighting, six states and Washington, DC have given same-sex couples like Addison and me the freedom to marry. In six states, I can stand up with the woman I love, declare my commitment to her, and be given the protections, responsibilities, and rights of marriage. On the other hand, 29 states have written in their state Constitution that Addison and I can’t marry. Twelve additional states prohibit my marriage to Addison by state law. The federal government doesn’t recognize mine and Addison’s relationship, no matter where we live, even if we live in one of the six states that allows us to marry.

Looking at the numbers, you can see the disheartening picture being painted. Over the past decade, our movement has made incredible strides. But we’re facing obstacles and barriers at every turn. And while we fight, couples like Addison and me are being torn apart by the discriminatory laws of our country.

But in Canada, the federal government and all provinces have legalized marriage between couples like Addison and me. Anywhere in the Great White North, we can take care of one another; we can make decisions for each other in the hospital, we can file taxes together, we can raise a family together. We are granted the same protections and responsibilities that are given to straight couples. And it’s been this way since 2005 — one year before dozens of US states amended their Constitutions to exclude couples like Addison and me from marriage.

In Canada, the picture is very different. Same-sex couples aren’t treated as second-class citizens. The government recognizes these couples equally — and it’s the kind of recognition that doesn’t just make families stronger; it makes communities stronger.

Fact #2: Healthcare
In the USA, our healthcare system is broken. We pay thousands of dollars to get health insurance that doesn’t cover the care we need so we get into deep debt following a medical emergency or procedure. We get insurance through our employer so that, when we lose our job, we lose our coverage. And given that personal insurance is outrageously expensive and that insurance companies can turn you away for any reason at all, an unemployed person often can’t afford or can’t get approved for coverage.

President Obama’s Affordable Care Act will help to fill some of the gaps in our broken system. But it doesn’t do enough. Why? Because provision after provision was stripped from the bill so that it could, after years of struggle, be passed and approved by Congress. And now, the Republican candidates for President in 2012 are pledging to undo the progress that was made, before the law has even been fully implemented. And polls show that, despite all the good it does, Americans generally don’t support the Affordable Care Act. Rather than supporting a measure that helps to close the gaps in our system, my fellow Americans (the people I’m supposed to have so much faith in) would rather stick with the old way — where millions of people are uninsured and millions of others just can’t get what they need.

In Canada, healthcare is the government’s responsibility — a drastically different approach to providing people care. In the USA, we put the responsibility of healthcare onto private insurance companies, employers, and people. In Canada, as in many European countries, the government provides every resident of Canada with access to care, whether they’re employed or not, whether they’re in good health or not.

The care that’s provided by the Canadian government even includes the full range of women’s healthcare (yes, including abortion). In states across America, we’re trying to strip away women’s reproductive rights, but in Canada, the government directly ensures that all women have access to whatever care they need.

Fact #3: Taxes
I once heard it said that, when the USA speaks of itself, it says “I,” but when Canada speaks, it says “we.” To me, this sentiment says it all. In Canada, people care about the community, and they are willing to do their part to fund the common good. In the USA, people care about having lower taxes so that they can achieve the American dream of prosperity.

For example, the federal healthcare system I mentioned above is paid for by Canadians through taxes. The people of Canada commit to supporting public health and pay taxes that some Americans might consider a bit too high (though, in my opinion, the difference doesn’t seem that significant) to ensure that every person has access to care.

Another example is maternity leave and parental benefits. In Canada, a mother is given paid maternity leave for 15 weeks, and then she and her partner have access to parental benefits that allow one parent to stay home and care for a child for up to a year. Again, it’s a difference governmental philosophy: Canadians believe that it is the government’s responsibility to support new families.

Where do American tax dollars go? Are we funding the common good? Are we taking care of people? Are we providing support to new families? I’m no expert, but I don’t think so. In the USA, a significant portion of our taxes go to fund the expansion of our ever-growing military. But the dollars aren’t providing mental health services to veterans or additional benefits for military families. They’re equipping us to fight more wars, to launch more attacks on those we don’t like. We’re not taking care of the service members and their families who have given so much; in these tough budget times, we’ve actually been taking benefits away from folks who have made incredible sacrifices.

I don’t know about you, but I think I’d feel a lot better about paying taxes if I knew that my dollars were taking care of people and making my community a better place for all of us. I wish I believed that’s what my US tax dollars are doing, but I don’t think that’s the case.

These three reasons are really only the beginning of this discussion. The differences between Canada and the USA are vast, and I’ve simply pulled out three of the issues that are most important to me personally. But the list could go on and on.

The more I learn about Canada, the more sad I am to be living here in the USA, a country that thinks of itself as the greatest nation in the world. Canada makes no such claim of greatness, but I’m starting to believe that it’s a place that’s far more in line with my values — a measure of greatness for me, at the very least.

Am I moving to the Great White North tomorrow? No. Might I think about it in the coming years as I consider where I want to raise a family? Maybe. Until then, I’ll keep working to make the USA a place that aligns with my values, even if at times, the fight feels hopeless.

-Jess

Love my new knee highs for when I wear my cowboy boots! Giddy...

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 19:10:22 -0700

Love my new knee highs for when I wear my cowboy boots! Giddy up!

Reflections on Gender, Part Two

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 23:00:00 -0700

I first wrote about gender here. But those certainly weren’t my final words on the subject.

My gender journey continues, seemingly changing courses from week to week. If there is one thing I know, it’s that I can’t count on my feelings to remain the same for too long. I’m calling it a journey for a reason; each day, the scenery is different.

(I have to say that I hate all of the back-and-forth of the gender journey, but fortunately, writing about my evolving self-understanding is helpful and illuminating. So you can expect me to continue to ruminate on gender on this blog. I hope I don’t chase away some of you regular blog readers. When you have fewer than six people read your blog, losing even one person hurts so I hope you’ll stick around.)

When I wrote “Reflections on Gender, Part One,” I felt connected to a genderqueer identity. I was rejecting the gender binary, refusing to fit myself into a box. I felt neither male nor female; I was something else all together.

While I still deeply despise the gender binary and don’t feel that I fit nicely into any box, lately I haven’t been feeling quite so genderqueer. Instead, I’ve been thinking a lot about gender expression vs. gender identity.

I once asked a friend of mine who looks a lot like me (spiky hair, men’s clothes, etc.), “What do you say when people ask you if you’re transgender?” She replied,”I like my parts; I just like men’s clothes.”

Her reply made me giggle at first, but the longer I sat with it, the more it made me think, the more it made me consider my own sense of self. It’s been months since we talked, but I’m still mulling over her words, in part because they resonated so deeply.

At this moment, it seems that I, too, like my parts and simply prefer men’s clothes. I do not feel trapped in my female body; I even like many things about it. I do not feel male. I do not feel uncomfortable as a woman (maybe that’s not true — it’s a little bit uncomfortable rocking my short hair and tie in a woman’s restroom — the looks I get aren’t my favorite).

Being a woman and a lesbian is empowering for me. I’ve long been a feminist, someone who deeply believes in the power and strength of women. And ever since I was in high school, I embraced the word “lesbian” and thought of myself as a woman who loves other women. No matter what I look like in the mirror, the core of my identity is tied to my womanhood.

And yet it’s no secret that I prefer looking masculine. I like seeing myself in a tie and wearing men’s jeans. I’ve never quite been able to figure out why, but I’ve been brave enough to trust my feelings. When I put on an item of clothing that’s made for a woman, I feel out of sorts. My comfort returns when I slide back into my jeans, button-down, and tie.

So what gives? What’s up with me? Why would I prefer men’s clothes if I am a proud woman? If I feel like a woman, why don’t I look like a woman?

The answer I have right now, today (and since I’m on a journey, I can’t guarantee that I’ll have the same answer tomorrow), is that I am a woman-identified person who expresses her gender in a masculine way. My gender identity: female. My gender expression: male.

Does this make me weird? It certainly makes me different. But fortunately, there is a long line of lesbians before me who walked the same path. Proud women who loved other women and who broke down gender barriers, rejected gender roles, and expressed themselves in their own way. I don’t know how any of us found this path, but I am proud to be another in this long line — for today at least.

-Jess

A Woodrum, Indeed

Sat, 05 Nov 2011 16:57:04 -0600

Jess: “I’m sorry I spilled coffee on your sweatshirt.”

Me: “Wait, what? Why aren’t you wearing yours?”

Jess: “I got mustard on mine earlier today.”